I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
