i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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