I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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