At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
