Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
