i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is Oprah even human
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