I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
