I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
