So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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