What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
