I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
