trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
