Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
