Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How does one acquire holy water?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
