Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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