Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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