On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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