Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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