Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
