does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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