I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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