She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
