Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
