i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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