i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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