You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
