you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
