Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
