bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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