I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
