Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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