Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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