I hate your face
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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