I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
