where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
