and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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