A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
