I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
