Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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