I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
