The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
