At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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