or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
