At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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