1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
