and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
