Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
