btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I party with great urgency now.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
