Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
