"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
