don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
